Sharon's Final Ride

Sharon's Final Ride

This was supposed to be Posted 11/17/2017…but suspended was until 12/22/2017…  

....be that due to busyness or avoidance the wait is over. 

The story of Sharon's cremation is nothing short of a miracle and the resulting benefits continue to amaze days and weeks later.  Had this truncated time table on 11/17 not succeeded our trip "home" would have been delayed probably four days. During that gap I would have missed the opportunity to connect with the 13 dorm kids who remained there before Thanksgiving Break.  These students did not get to say goodbye to Sharon.  As I travelled around the island with Sharon later during that Thanksgiving break I had conversation online with some dorm students who’ve already graduated and was struck by the fact that neither did they get to “say goodbye “to their dorm mom.  I’ve taken it upon myself in the coming months, as I close out 19 years of McGill dorm life, to try to contact each of the 136 of them and give them opportunity, if they so desire, to share what they’d have said had they had the chance to voice a farewell.  

Morrison has been kind enough to allow me to complete this year dorm parenting by myself with some assistance.   I was full of desire to honor that trust and generosity.   The drive in my heart to get back to the dorm kids as quick as possible to begin the process of grieving Sharon’s loss together can not be under exaggerated.

The night Sharon left us I curled up on a couch in the Airbnb we’d booked so we could all stay together.  Please don’t feel bad about that.  I slept just now in my lazy boy arm chair as I rested up in preparation to complete this piece of writing, at task that I’ve put off for days.  I love a good snooze on a couch or in an arm chair.  Sharon has been most gracious over the years to allow me latitude to enjoy that odd pleasure.   I’ve spent numerous evenings away from her after watching soccer games which occur in the middle of the night in Taiwan when played in the evening in Europe.  It’s a common colloquialism that “sleeping on the couch” is synonymous with marital trouble.  I can safely say that this was my first night on a couch that was in fact due to “marital trouble.”  It’s marital trouble of the worst kind since rather than the common scenario of not wanting to be together I was on the couch because we couldn’t be together.  

I’d been asked the night she passed by some of those who were slated to visit Sharon the next day if they could still come see us.   No answers for those queries when I laid my head down to rest that night.

6:36

I awoke 6 hours later and looked around the house.  “Absolutely!” I thought.  I made a snap decision. Everyone whose in the area and wants to connect with the memory of Sharon should come and bring some food and beverage.  We’ll have a party. I promptly began making arrangements to invite all who wanted to come and share time in Sharon’s honor that night.   Jesus welcomes everyone.  

9:30 

Most everyone was up in the Airbnb and cups of coffee were everywhere just as Sharon would have wanted.  

10:00 

Gwenn and Lana began the process of calling crematoriums.  On the first call they were told that “you want to contact Cortez Cremations”.  Turns out that Angela Cortez had a difficult experience with her fathers cremation and subsequently opened this family business to help others avoid that feeling of “being taken” at a time when they are grieving. Why another crematorium would direct us to a competitor whose price is half that of the rest is beyond me but Rick answered the phone and readily agreed to help us. We scheduled a 4:00 meeting for Gwenn and I to take care of that business.  

11:30  

Lana and i went  the hospital to meet with the chief financial officer and settle that bill. We spoke with Lana’s wise husband Hans to get advice on how to approach that meeting. There is a vastly humorous story that I will gladly share with you if you remind me when we are together next.   We were prepared for difficult news.  The meeting was a pleasant letdown as it occurred in the lobby of Sharps Medical Center and lasted about 3 minutes.  “We’ll let you know.” she said.  “Anything else I need to do now?” I asked.  “Nope” was her reply.  We walked to the car with a bewildered smile.  That’s really all I know about that topic even now.  I’m sure the story of how this bill will be paid is another miracle waiting in the wings. 

12:30

Lana and I arrived at the County Clerk to pick up the death certificates.  Finally a snag.  It had all felt too easy thus far.  There was paperwork required from the crematorium before the death certificates could be issued.  I called Rick at Cortez and explained the common Chinese usage of the term “Kung Fu” as being applicable to anything of great skill. I told him that I needed him to work up his best “Kung Fu” to speed up this process because the Country Clerk closed at 5:00 and certainly our 4:00 meeting time wouldn’t afford opportunity to take care of all business on this Friday.  Rick showed astute understanding and said, “I’ll try to pull a rabbit out of my magic hat.”

At this point I’d to reiterate the source of my urgency.  This was Friday.  The County Clerks Office and the Crematorium would both be closed for the weekend.   Not knowing what was about to transpire in my life with Sharon at the time I’d recently announced that after 15 years of service my tenure as the varsity soccer coach was at an end.  Now Sharon had left me.  If I were to lose another major portion of my life in the same month….well let’s just say that this has been difficult enough as it is and I am so very grateful to the school for trusting me and allowing me latitude to complete a job that on paper they perhaps ought not to.  Thus  I was driven by this desire to honor that gift and to return to be with these 13 students and begin the process of grieving this loss together.   If I had to wait to complete this process on Monday, possibly picking up her remains on Tuesday and flying back Wednesday I’d miss those students until after Thanksgiving Break.  The possibility of Sharon’s body being released from the hospital to be taken to  the crematorium to be processed and the death certificates being issued by the county clerk in the remaining hours was slim.  My sense of urgency was at a peak but somehow a sense of calm remained.   I am certain as to where I attribute the praise for that blessing.  

12:45

As we walked out of the County Clerks office I suggested to Lana that we take a chance and drive to the crematorium since it was on the way to the Airbnb.  We arrived, parked and I opted for a 10 minute nap.  3 minutes into my nap the phone rings.  It’s Rick, ‘I’ve got a rabbit” he says.  I respond, “I’m parked outside.”  

1:15

We enter and meet Angela who owns the business and is somehow now available where she wasn’t earlier.  I never even asked about that.  She was so connective and personable.  We shared stories from each others grief experiences and she began to process the necessary forms. There were questions that I didn’t know the answer to.  Time to call big sister Gwenn. 

1:30

When Gwenn answered and realized we were at the crematorium already she was taken by surprise and annoyed.  Rightly so I say.  It was supposed to be she and I going at 4:00 to settle matters for her precious little sisters cremation.  She understood the need to move the timetable up in order to at least try to get things done before the weekend.  As our call ended I was uncomfortable.  I wanted Gwenn to be there.  She needed to be there or I’d elect not to proceed.  Time was an issue though and to go pick her up with the one car we had available could put the whole opportunity in jeopardy.  What to do?  My mind spun and then I thought of Isabella.  One of our dorm daughters, now in college in LA, had wanted to come to the party planned for Friday evening but had a function she had to attend so had come in the afternoon.  I need to call her mom and tell her how responsible her daughter. is.   Anyway Izzy was the extra set of tires needed.  She grabbed her keys and Gwenn and drove over to Cortez.

2:00 

They arrived and we began again with the lovely Angela to process all the paperwork for signing off on Sharon’s cremation.  Gwenn and I sat next to each other and it felt right as we took another step in saying farewell to Sharon together.  Isabella was glad to help but I’ve made it clear to her that the altered timing of her visit to us was no accident.  Angela was surprised to note that the physicians at the hospital had already signed off on Sharon’s body.  “Oh wow” she said, “that’s already done.  Well, this will be easy.” 

3:00

With the business at the crematorium completed we departed for the County Clerks Office seeking another attempt to get the death certificates before they closed.   At this point I was optimistic and hopeful.  It appeared that God had orchestrated a miracle and that Josh and I might be home before Thanksgiving.  When I looked into the relatively vacuous eyes of the lady behind the counter there was no look of understanding our need.  She was not reading the urgency and anticipation in my eyes.  This was just another poor soul at the end of a long day at the office.  Disaster appeared to have struck at the last moment.  I glanced around behind her for someone else.  Anyone really.   As we began to explain our situation for the second time at a slower pace the door behind her opened and one of the ladies from our previous visit appeared, “oh your back” she says.  There were many words spoken on this day but those may have been the best.  I knew right then that this was going to happen.  Little Miss Inattentive, seeing our connection, perked right up and looked over our forms from the crematorium stating after a brief examination,  “so that’s 5 copies you’ll be getting right?”  Music to the ear.  Shortly there after we slid over to the cashier window and paid whatever the amount was to cover the cost.  As I took hold of these difficult pages I looked to the right and the time on the clock read…..

4:05

We exited the County Clerks office with the death certificates in hand.  On the way home Rick called to announce, “I got her”.   He informed that he was going in Saturday morning to work extra hours and was moving Sharon up the list so she’d “be ready” for us before our departure.  

At this point I will skip ahead to the following morning to complete this tale here and now.  Friday night was a story in it’s own right that I’ll tell when I’ve finished with this. 

Saturday AM

James, Mark and Josh elected to travel with me to pick up Sharon at Cortez.  When we arrived at the crematorium the next morning Rick informed that he’d gone to the hospital to get Sharon the day before in his personal vehicle because the company car wasn’t available.   His transport is a Dodge Caravan.   That Sharon’s last ride should be in that vehicle holds great value for me because I figure we’ve probably put some 95000 miles in summer travels on cars through Dollar Rent a Car and our vehicle of choice has always been the Dodge Caravan.  God is a God of detail.  As I paid Rick the moneys for the expedited cremation service Rick revealed that Angela had also cut that fee i half for us.  God is generous.  When I opened the folder to put in the travel permission forms that Cortez had drawn up for us Rick noticed the death certificates inside.  “Oh!!” he exclaimed. “You already got those.”  “Yes” I said, “We went down and picked them up after we left you yesterday afternoon.”  Looking at his puzzled face I asked, “is that not normal?”  “No” Rick responded staring down at the documents. “No, Ive never seen that.”  “Well how long does it usually take?” I asked. “5-10 days” he replied.  “I’ve seen two days before but never the same day.”  As we drove back ‘home”, I am a TCK so the airbnb that we stayed at became “home’ the moment we walked in the door, as we drove the singular thought running through my mind was, “God is in control.”

There’s a whole story about getting plane tickets to go home but I’ll save that to share with you in person when we are together next.  

Suffice to say that the thought “God is in control.” kept rambling through my brain as we traveled “home” over the next hours and when Josh and I walked into the dorm on Monday evening, having surrendered Sunday to the International Date Line, we had two days to spare before Thanksgiving vacation.  It was  ample time to connect with the current dorm students before the break.  That was both significant and important in the process of grieving the loss of Sharon.  

Friday is Party Night ….backtracking a bit…

  

This is the review I wrote for the AirBnB:

Apparently we ended up being the first guests to stay in this location. The occasion is not one anybody wishes for but we don't always get to choose in life. On the eve of our stay my wife of 27 years passed away just the day after her 54th birthday. Nicole and John's place was a perfect respite for our grief. When I walked in the door and saw the Scrabble board on the coffee table I was astounded. Sharon loved Scrabble . The trays were filled with letters. Pray, Eat. Let's Go. Ride To. Do Enjoy. Sharon was a crafting genius. Her craft room has an "Edisonesque" feel to it. She loved "doing". She loved to travel. We live overseas and have put well over 100,000 miles on Dodge Caravans from Dollar rent a car in the summers in the US. Her fathers every mailed letter is a litany of the various meals he's enjoyed of late and she is his daughter. A fantastic cook who "made gourmet meals out of just cornbread and beans." Every meal was an event with Sharon. The words chosen for those Scrabble trays could not have been more appropriate for us. The night after she passed I invited all who were in the area and yet planning to come visit her to come by for a party. It was a diverse selection of humanity connected by the memory of an amazing woman. The counters and tables flowed with food and beverage. There was laughter throughout the house and fittingly so, for Sharon's signature skill beyond the elements I've already mentioned was her contagious laugh. It was an evening to remember and the venue could not have been more perfect. Thank you Nicole and John for providing a place of catharsis. I will not doubt at some point return to enjoy another sunset from the driveway.

The attendee’s at this event that joined our families included: Friends from Taipei days Nancy Plasschaert, Jamie Wei and Tina Lee who honored Sharon by playing a game of Scrabble on a board they’d brought specifically for that purpose.  For the record Nancy was the victor in that classic board game event.  Continuing with the theme of the night Carol and her impressive boyfriend Calvin employed the Scrabble board on the coffee table in a match of younger folk.  Daniel Kwon, a former soccer Mustang of mine joined them but seeing as he’d already turned in his tiles several times midway through the game it was a match between the young sweethearts.  I enjoyed watching them maneuver those tricky waters of competition that can challenge any relationship to it’s foundational core.  For the record Calvin was the victor and DK was a very gracious loser.  I’d guess that Carol will be back for another round with Calvin which is the correct response every time for anyone who comes in second in any event.   There was Yuli and Will and their lovely two youngsters who were the only “little people” to attend this gig.  Sharon taught Yuli 4th Grade up at Bethany in Taipei.  She taught William Second grade down at MAK.  Neither of them came to Taichung for high school electing instead to go to California for high school.  When the age of texting came around they found each other, drawn perhaps by there time spent with a common elementary teacher.  Would I like to know what Mrs. McGill wrote in young Yuli’s  fourth grade yearbook. I'll certainly would. She wrote  and I quote  ‘Yuli you need to work to be more humble.” Mrs. McGill.  Pretty harsh on a 4th Grader Sharon.  Yuli says she was angered when she read it years ago but has come to see, as have so many others, that Sharon was right.   Rachel Hudlow, who was so helpful the whole time we were in SD, attended 4 years of college at Point Loma and had not idea that James Grandi had ever lived in Taiwan.  James spent three great years in the McGill Dorm.  His father, Scott altered a mens retreat he was in charge of so he could attend Sharon’s last party.  His mother Donna is credited with giving me many years of Morrison Yearbooks from her years of service as Board Chair over in Taiwan.  Her generous addition  of annuals completes the most extensive private collection of Morrisonian’s anywhere in the world.  The crew from Cal Baptist enjoyed time with James and Mark and Joshua as they were all the same era.   Jim Lin, who buys everything by the case and his lovely wife Rosanna showed up a bit later but a trunk full of more food and beverage. The feast expanded and Sharon smiled I’m sure.  Rosanna attended a small satellite school of Morrisons in Hsinchu same as I did.  That’s a very small segment of humanity to connect with.  The two Micahs  Foreman and Gardner who are some of the best story tellers I know were spinning yarns all night.  And finally Beth Stoker who keeps it all together.

This was an evening of eclectic connection such as I’ve never seen.  If I've missed anyone in that description I apologize.  It was a slice and I think a bit of what heaven will be like.  We will certainly enjoy being together.  On this occasion we were missing Sharon but praising God that she was spared a long painful battle with the monster that cancer has become. I know there are others in the area and I wish all had been able come and share food and laughter.   Heaven is coming and then we’ll all be together and there will be no need for sparing of anything.

I express deep gratitude to God and to all of you who have so much care and support for our family.